


Now Your World's Benign

by m4jor3tt3



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Character Death, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-16
Updated: 2016-01-16
Packaged: 2018-05-14 05:42:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5731531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/m4jor3tt3/pseuds/m4jor3tt3
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kylo Ren's training is nearly complete. Snoke tells him that there's one thing left for him to accomplish, and he's not sure he can do it.</p><p>Title from "Everything You Ever" from Dr. Horrible.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Now Your World's Benign

Kylo is nervous- no, correction. _Ben_ is nervous. Kylo is the picture of a the ideal Knight of Ren, all cold dull eyes and unwavering hands. Ben is a trembling child buried deep within his mind, almost crushed into nothing- emphasis on almost. Snoke had been telling Ren that his training is almost complete, that the light in him is nearly extinguished, and any tethers he harbored for the light had been severed. There is a final task that Kylo needed to accomplish, according to Snoke, but when Kylo asked, nay _begged_ his master to tell him what his last mission is, Snoke had only responded with “When the time comes, you will know what must be done.”

What must be done. That could be any number of things. He tries to think of the tales of his grandfather, his final moments before allowing the darkness to envelope him completely. What had he done to complete his training? Kylo knew the answer, had known the answer for as long as he could remember. Kylo knew he could accomplish such a task, already having done so when he killed his- no, _Ben’s_ father. He had plunged his saber into Han Solo’s heart and had felt nothing, but the child he used to be cried out in pain, begged him to stop. As he watched Solo’s lifeless body tumble into the darkness, for a moment he thought he’d stomped out that childish thing inside him for good, but it turned out slivers of the boy he was still remained embedded in his very being. Snoke had removed these splinters with intense training, long hours of meditation, days without food or water while he channeled the darkness. Then, Snoke had been a voice in the back of his head, speaking only when necessary. Now, Snoke is all but imaginary, a ghost.

The Finalizer is eerily silent when Kylo returned to it after months of training, and despite his many months upon the ship beforehand, it felt completely foreign to him. It is cold, which although it had always been cold and it made sense that it was cold, for some reason contributed to the overall haunted feeling that sank through the heavy fabric of his robes and permeated his skin. There is still crew marching about the halls, still Stormtroopers standing stark and shining against the dull greys and blacks of the ship’s interior. All activities that were taking place before Kylo left to finish training with Snoke are, presumably, still in action. Kylo moves quietly about the long corridors, keeping to the shadows of unused passages as opposed to walking in the open. There is something tugging at him, something he could explain but couldn’t place. It had to be the feeling that Snoke had referred to, what his final task would be. However, he still could not figure out for the life of him what that task is.

It had been hours since his return to the ship and he is feeling tired. The tugging feeling in his stomach persisted, and he knows that sleep would not soothe the feeling- more likely it would worsen it. His eyelids droop, scarred face cast in the shadow of the hood of his robes. He’d been meaning to forge a new mask, but Snoke had insisted that it was unnecessary. He feels his lightsaber at his hip, fingers itching to use it, but on what? His throat feels dry. He finds himself on the bridge, which is- to his surprise- nearly empty. The massive panes at the front of the ship open onto the void of space, an image that is nearly breathtaking to _Ben_ , but has no effect on Kylo. There is someone standing before the window, his hands folded behind his back. He is wearing the standard issued grey uniform, well fitted with a thick black belt around a thin waist, tall shiny black boots. The only thing missing is the tight grey cap that would have concealed the neatly kept hair that is on top of the man’s head. It is the hair that gave him away, a shade of fiery orange that stood out against a sea of blackness.

“Isn’t it glorious?” General Hux breathes, not turning around. He must have heard Kylo approach, but did not know who it was, taking him to be a common soldier.

“Where is everyone?” Kylo asks slowly. He watches as Hux’s shoulders tense beneath his uniform, recognizing Kylo’s voice instantly.

“When did you return?”

“I suppose it is this afternoon. You were probably at lunch.” Kylo knows this for a fact, having sensed the other man the moment his own shuttle docked in the Finalizer’s hangar. Hux had lingered in his mind since his final night on the ship many months ago, his presence feeling warm and inviting despite the general’s demeanor. He is a dull ache at the back of his mind, sitting alongside Ben, who held onto him tightly.

And then, in that very moment, Kylo knows what his final task is.

He swallows harshly; Hux’s shoulders draw tighter towards himself as Ren begins to take slow, careful steps towards him. Hux falls silent, his eyes gazing out into the wide expanse before him. “We destroyed the Resistance base,” he explains as Ren comes to his side, folding his hands behind his back. “A small group of them managed to escape us, including the general and that traitorous stormtrooper, but we have eyes in every corner of the surrounding systems to bring them into custody.” Kylo stiffens at the mention of the Resistance general, another lingering memory that Ben had dug his fingers into. Kylo thinks she will never truly leave his mind, regardless of how strong he became. Perhaps finishing his training here would rid his consciousness of not one but two generals. He relaxes after a moment, watching the blackness. He realizes he is standing very close to Hux, his arm just barely brushing past Hux’s. His shoulder would've been against his if Hux were only a bit taller. Glancing over at him, Kylo sees the subtle rise and fall of his chest, a motion Kylo had grown accustomed to, only now his palm is not splayed across Hux’s overheated skin, feeling his breathing even out as he fell asleep.

Kylo does not mean to focus in on Hux’s thoughts. At first, they are about the Order’s victories in Kylo’s absence, he is trying to convince himself he is better off without Kylo around. They slowly trail into memories that refuted that idea, and Kylo feels each memory, each gentle (and not so gentle) touch, each shared breath.

_He touches me and my nerves explode like supernovas._

_When he looks at me I feel like I can destroy galaxies._

Hux grimaces and turns his head away from Kylo. “Don't,” he whispers, voice sounding almost strained. 

But Kylo pries, fingers dipping into those warm memories like they’re bath water. He feels Hux resist him, try and close himself off, but Kylo isn’t the same boy he was months ago. He finds himself immersed in a memory, a trespasser. It’s that last night Kylo was there on the Finalizer. Hux is standing before him, his coat slipping from his shoulders gracefully to the floor. That night had been different from other nights they spent together, often in complete silence aside from whimpers and grunts and sighs and skin on skin. That night had been quiet, but it had been soft. Kylo feels Hux’s fingers on his face again as he felt that night, tracing over the tight pink scar bisecting his features. His touch is feather light, goosebumps rising on his skin as his fingers come to rest on his lips.

_I want you to make me yours._

The words echo through Kylo’s head as though Hux is saying them again right there.

He slips into another memory, their first shared one. Hux had been angry with Kylo, called him insufferable, Kylo had destroyed another piece of equipment in a fit of rage. They had screamed, Kylo had attempted to squeeze all the air from his lungs, Hux had thrown him into a wall. It wasn’t until Hux’s mouth was on his, Kylo’s hands tangling into Hux’s hair and dragging him closer. Kylo feels Hux push closer, his scent surrounding him. It’s as though he’s there again being touched for the first time, kissed for the first time.

_This won’t happen again._

Hux had thought this, said this out loud, but he’d been wrong. And he said it again after the second time, again after the third, fourth, fifth time. Kylo had lost count but at some point, Hux had stopped saying it.

He’s thinking it again right now. 

“Why are you doing this?”

Kylo finally releases his hold on him, and Hux leans forward against the railing in front of the window heavily. Kylo watches him intently, wants to reach out and brush a piece of hair that has fallen out of place away from his forehead. Hux finally looks up at him, brow furrowed as he looks him up and down. “You haven’t finished your training.”

Kylo shakes his head. “There’s one thing I have left to do.”

Hux meets his eyes, staring through him knowingly before sighing softly, shoulders rolling forward as he looks back out the window. “Did you miss me while you were gone?”

Kylo wonders for a moment before nodding very slightly. He isn’t sure if Hux catches this gesture from the corner of his eye. Hux hums softly, eyes closing for a moment. “I tried to not think of you,” he says. Something in Kylo’s chest tightens because he knows that there is truth to Hux’s statement.

“I couldn’t get rid of you, though.”

This statement catches Kylo off guard.

“You’re a disease, Ben. A tumor that tried to keep me from accomplishing all that got done. You were nowhere near me and yet I still felt you in my mind. I couldn’t get you out and all I wanted was you gone.”

Kylo wonders if Hux knows that Kylo had felt the same way when he was training with Snoke. He barely registers that Hux uses that terrible name, that dead name.

“You weighed down on me. You still do. I despise it and I want it to stop.”

“I can do that for you.”

“You can, or you have to?”

They make eye contact again. Kylo doesn’t realize it but his hand has gone to his belt. Hux doesn’t flinch. Kylo swallows, releases a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. “You…”

“Of course, I do,” Hux says with a roll of his eyes. “You’ve already made it perfectly clear. I’m not stupid, Ben.”

“Do _not_ ,” Kylo snaps, grabbing the front of Hux’s uniform and pulling him close. “Call me that. Ben is dead.”

“No, he isn’t,” Hux whispers, a sad smile coming to his face. “He’s in there and you know it. And you know what you need to do to finally finish him off.” Hux pauses, his mouth drawing into a line and inhales sharply through his nose. “So stop prolonging the inevitable and get it over with.”

Kylo looks at him with hardened eyes. Ben is in his head, screaming at him, _don’t do it you bastard you don’t need this you can stop this you can be with him you can escape and be with him_ , and then Snoke’s words overpower the child.

_Do what must be done._

“Tell me,” Hux says, lowering his eyes for a moment. “Did you foresee this?”

“It doesn’t work like that,” Kylo breathes, releasing his tunic and dropping his hand to his side.

“Yes, it does,” Hux insists. “It does when it comes to me and you know it. Did you foresee it?”

He hates it when Hux is right.

“Foresee what exactly?”

“All of it,” Hux says, shaking his head briefly and closing his eyes. His hand lifts and touches Kylo’s wrist lightly. “The arguments. The sneaking around corners. The late nights. The touching, all the touching…” Hux trails off, shaking his head as he steps a bit closer. His breath is warm and shallow. He knows what must be coming, what should be coming. “Even this.”

“I didn’t,” Kylo says truthfully. “I should have. It would’ve made this easier.”

“Is it ever easy?”

“How would you know?”

“How would _you_ know?”

Hux echoing him briefly angers him, but the feeling easily flows out of him. Hux’s fingers close around Kylo’s wrist, pulling his hand forward to rest against his lightsaber. Kylo swallows and takes the weapon in his hand, holding it between the two of them; Hux’s hand moves from his wrist to rest his fingers on the back of his hand. The contact makes Kylo want to shiver. Hux’s hands are bare, his gloves nowhere to be seen; part of Kylo is made uncomfortable at this difference, he has only ever seen him without his gloves in the most intimate of moments (but perhaps this is the most intimate moment they will ever share), another part is glad to know he will feel Hux’s skin on his own in this moment.

“Can I ask you one more question?” Hux asks softly, sighing and stepping just a touch closer.

“Go right ahead,” Kylo responds.

“Did you ever love me?”

Kylo does not know how to respond. Hux looks up at him and Kylo suspects he does not actually expect an answer, knowing that whatever he hears will crush him. He ultimately decides to say nothing, but Ben shouts his response. Kylo is glad that Hux cannot hear him, but when Hux closes his eyes and nods once, Kylo thinks only for a moment that Hux heard his thoughts.

“I want you to hold me when you do it.”

Kylo obliges, his free arm winding around Hux’s small waist and tugging him closer. Hux’s shoulders roll back and he inclines his head. He’s holding the lightsaber against his stomach, hand posed to activate it. Hux shakes his head, smiling sadly once again and grabbing Kylo’s hand. The saber drags up his torso, the fabric of his tunic shifting beneath it, stopping at the center of his chest. “You know that if you do it here, there’s no way to screw it up.”

“You say that like I would screw up.”

“You wouldn’t, but you want to.”

Kylo is silent, finger twitching.

“You don’t think you can do it.”

Kylo says nothing.

Hux rolls his eyes, shaking his head briefly. “I swear… I’ll help you."

"Why would-"

"I swore that I would give my life to the Order if I needed to. One.”

Hux presses closer to him, the tip of the saber digging into his chest. Kylo tightens his arm around him.

“Two.”

Kylo’s knuckles turn white from holding the saber like it’s the only thing keeping him grounded. In some ways, it is.

“Three.”

Hux goes onto his toes, crushing his lips to Kylo’s, his hand going to the back of his head and gripping his hair. The shock of the gesture causes Kylo’s finger to slip, the sound of the lightsaber activating ringing in his ear. Hux gasps against Kylo’s mouth, trembling in his arms. Kylo knows he missed his mark, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t complete what he came here to do. Hux presses closer, his hand slowly sliding from Kylo’s hair to his face, fingers gentle against his cheek. His entire body stiffens briefly and he coughs against Kylo, and Kylo tastes blood on his tongue. “I hate you,” Hux whispers, most likely being unable to speak any louder. He kisses him once again, but the pressure of his lips slowly diminishes, his hand falls away from his cheek, his body goes slack. The saber is casting an eerie red glow over his pale face. His eyes are closed, blood is smeared across his lips, his mouth is slightly open. Kylo says nothing, but he feels a single tear drip down his cheek. He deactivates the saber, Hux’s body shifting slightly as the source of his demise disappears from his body.

Kylo takes a deep breath, feeling guilty that the last thing Hux saw before he died was Kylo’s disfigured face. Simultaneously, his head feels much lighter. He feels like he reacted in a much stronger way to Solo’s death, which had proven to be just another number on a list of failures. Hux’s lifeless form in his arms is just another object. Kylo sighs heavily, sliding the saber back into its spot on his belt and pulling the body up into his arms. One of Hux’s arms is across his stomach, the other hangs limp, his hands loose. Kylo takes slow steps across the bridge. He wonders if any of the crew will see him, the infamous Kylo Ren cradling the dead General Hux, a man responsible for destroying five planets and murdering billions, the man who nearly crushed the Resistance under his heel, like a child in his arms. Kylo will stage the man’s death as an assassination, which also means he will need to take Hux’s blaster to make the saber wound appear to be the work of a skilled marksman. _Insult to injury_ , Kylo thinks. If Hux were alive, he would laugh at that.

He manages to get to Hux’s quarters undetected, which surprises him. Kylo had to lift Hux’s cold hand to press it against the key scanner in order to open the door. It’s an action that should feel grim, Kylo should feel pain, remorse. He doesn’t, and he knows deep down that that’s a good thing. Hux’s bedroom is all too familiar to Kylo, it seems to be the only part of the ship that is. The bed is made, the sheets crisp and clean. Hux would not have had it any other way, Kylo knows. Part of him wishes he didn’t. He gently lays Hux down onto the bed, the mattress creaking underneath him. That sound brings about a flash of a memory; Kylo ignores it. Kylo sees Hux’s blaster at his hip, and he takes it and digs it into Hux’s chest, against the injury from the saber. He closes his eyes for a moment, wants to turn his head, but ultimately decides the best course of action is to look at Hux’s grave face as he does this. He pulls the trigger. A hole is burned into the mattress. Kylo replaces the blaster in its holster, and he takes a dangerous moment to look around the room. It was here he and Hux fucked for the first, and apparently, the last time, as well. Hux hated the term “make love.” That wasn’t what they did. They didn’t love each other. Kylo had never loved Hux. Ben had, but Ben was dead now. Ben is dead, and Kylo Ren knows it all too well. He left the room. There is nothing to his eyes.

 _What must be done_ , he thinks briefly. He’s walking down the cold corridor with no feeling whatsoever. Somewhere, he senses, Snoke is pleased.

His training is complete, and Kylo, like Snoke, is pleased.

**Author's Note:**

> follow me at sexwingpilot.tumblr.com for more kylux trash


End file.
